Quote of the Week

Grammy Greatness. Alright, I'm not changing the name this time. It's too hilarious. My dad is known for being quite the word butcher, especially when it comes to names. So as we're watching the Grammys this evening:

Mom: Who is this?
Me: Jamie Foxx and T-Pain.
Dad: Who's Toupee?
(uproarious laughter)
Me: Dad, it's T-Pain.
Mom: I like Toupee better...

Things I Don't Understand Thursday

Fake Tanning

No, it's gross. If you live in Seattle in the winter time you're supposed to be white and pasty. So if you're walking around looking like an orange, you're doing something wrong. It's one thing if you go on vacay somewhere to get a nice coat, but people can tell the difference. This isn't Jersey Shore people. Seattle is a classy place. Some things from a box are okay. Boxed mac & cheese. Boxed mashed potatoes. Even boxed wine. Boxed tan? No. Just no.

Hey! That's My Car!!

Last night, I was leaving a bar and taking a walk back to my car when I saw another car beginning to park in front of me. It was a parallel situation so of course I was watching to make sure he didn't give me a little tap on my front bumper. The car finishes parking and I see a guy get out of the front seat and another guy bolt out from the passenger side and walk over to the front wheel of my car and lean up against it. His hands were in a very suggestive position so my immediate thought was "Holy crap, that guy is going to pee on my car!!" So I totally yelled at him, "HEY!! THAT'S MY CAR!!" and he jumped back screaming "Holy shit!!" and made for a quick get away with his driver friend. (Only after this happened did a back seat passenger get out of the car and join them...) Next time, try the bushes dude.

Something That Has Been Bothering Me...

WHY DON'T THE VAMPIRES IN TWILIGHT HAVE TO ASK PERMISSION TO ENTER A HOME?? Everyone, well I guess everyone except Stephenie Meyer, knows that vampires are not allowed to enter a home without being invited! It's the same in all stories. "Vampire Diaries": nope, can't come in. "Dracula": same story. "True Blood": invisible brick wall. "Buffy the Vampire Slayer": yeah right Spike. I used to be a pretty big fan of Buffy, before vampires were the big thing to be, watch, do...whatever. This was where I learned about vampires. And "Twilight" is not educating the young ones well. Honestly, when I picked up the first book to read it (I'll admit it, I've read 3 of 4), I was expecting the invitation tradition to hold true. But no, here comes Edward hopping into Bella's window in the middle of the night. What makes the Cullen's so special? Epic fail? Maybe.

Blood Bank

With this tragedy in Haiti, I've felt kind of sad that I have no money to donate to them to help out. (Being unemployed doesn't provide for a lot of spare cash.) But last week I got an email saying that the Puget Sound Blood Center was at an all time low of my blood type and they needed me to come in and donate. So on Friday I made an appointment with the blood bank and finally donated my eighth pint of blood, putting me up to ONE GALLON! That's right, I have officially donated an entire gallon of blood. And I'm not stopping there. I've already made my next appointment to give again in March. It makes me feel good to know that I can help in some way, even if it is not for Haiti or is not in dollars. (Plus, I know this makes me weird, but I actually enjoy it!) So, if you have some spare time, and some spare blood, please go donate. If for no other reason than the free cookies and juice you get at the end. You'll feel good. I promise.

Music Monday

The first time I heard this song on the radio, the DJ said it would be stuck in my head for the rest of the day. More like the rest of the week. It's very catchy, but also very artistic. I like it.

Quote of the Week

Warning: Adult Content

Flashback to college parties.....although this one just happened to be this past Friday at a friend's birthday party. Playing Kings, someone draws the 5 meaning a game of 5 Fingers is to commence. Now I understand there are sexual scenarios that are going to be brought up, but when you are an 18 year old surrounded by 20-somethings and we don't know you...please don't open with the following line:

Party Girl: I've never cum from oral!

TMI girl. And yes, we did happen to make fun of you for the rest of the evening.

Things I Don't Understand Thursday

Sporting Events

Now, those who know me know that I am a die-hard sports fan. Especially when it comes to football and my Huskies. So when I am at these games in the fall, sporting my purple and gold and cheering them on, there are a few things that confuse me. As a forward I should note: I don't believe in being impartial when attending a sporting event. Choose a side.

1. Girls in heels. Seriously? Did you know where your man was taking you before you left the house today? If not, then I apologize. But if you knew you were coming to a football game, why did you wear your five inch heels? Football games (all sporting events really) are for jumping, cheering, drinking and spilling mustard from cheap hot dogs on your outfit. It's not a fashion show runway. Unless you count the hike up to your nose bleed seats a runway. How can you properly stand up and cheer without falling over in those? Cause I guarantee you also had a few drinks before the game.

2. People NOT wearing colors of the teams playing. Alright, I get that maybe some people go to these games without the proper attire. Maybe a friend invited you and you didn't have anything to wear. Fine. Two solutions: a) Borrow a shirt from your friend. If they're a big fan, it's likely that they have more than one, or b) Wear a neutral color. Black, white, gray. All are acceptable. One of the football games I went to this year, I saw a girl dressed in all pink. I really wanted to ask her if she knew where she was, or if she was just lost because the Barbie convention was in a different building. But honestly, you don't bother me as much as the next people...

3. People wearing team jerseys of other teams not playing. BIGGEST PET PEEVE EVER!! Up here in Washington, we have a little triangle of a rivalry between UW (the best), WSU and Oregon. So, imagine my shock when I am going to the UW vs. Oregon game and I see a guy decked out in his WSU gear. Who is this guy? Who is this guy??? First of all, WSU is not playing today, second of all, both of the teams that are playing HATE your team! Those are some pretty large crimson and silver balls you have down there. But it gets better. Inside the stadium, I'm walking to my seat and see a guy in full blown TEXAS gear...TEXAS!! Now, I love Texas football, but I'm sorry sir, you are at a UW vs. Oregon game. Do you take the wrong flight and end up at the wrong game or what? This is Washington. It's great that you love Texas, but that does not help us to understand who you're rooting for here. Seriously people, same rules apply. If you don't have the gear, black, white, gray.

Vintage Wrappers

I came across these cute vintage kid's drinks today while Googling randoms. I thought the cartoons were really awesome. They actually remind me of the cartoon "Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends" that is on right now. They have a similar type of simplistic cartoonism (ooo, did I just create a word?) that I really like. Kind of interesting. :)

A Job Search Hilarity

Searching for jobs can be frustrating, stressful and worrisome. But it can also be very hilarious. I've been applying for quite an array of positions just to see what I can get a bite on. Recently, I applied for a simple Receptionist position at this store. Later, I receive an email saying they would like to bring me in for an interview and the lady gives me a long list of interview times during this week and next. I promptly wrote back saying I was available for an interview anytime on Monday. (I volunteer at a school and since there was no school on Monday, it was perfect.) A few minutes later, I receive a confirmation saying I was penciled in for an interview on Tuesday @ 12:30am.........Whaaaat? I just kind of stared at the screen for a minute thinking "Okay...." I mean, she did ask when I could come in, right? And when would be the best time for me, right? Did I answer correctly? So all of a sudden, I have this interview on Tuesday instead. Not only that, no joke, it really did say 12:30AM. Obviously a typo, but seriously. That's a pretty extreme oops. And this isn't the first time I've seen this! So...there will probably be more of these stories. :)

Valentine's Treats

I got super excited the other day when I remembered that Valentine's Day candy was now in stores which means.....HEART-SHAPED JUNIOR MINTS!! I don't know why they're so much more fun to eat than normal Junior Mints, but I love them. Definitely a winner.

Music Monday

THROWBACK! A new decade brings thoughts to where we were 10 years ago. Who was my favorite artist back in 2000 when I was 14? Oh, pretty much the same as every 14 year old girl. `NSYNC!! I remember the first time I saw them when I was 12 on their Disney special and they just blew up from there. I've seen them four times in concert and I remember not having a voice afterward from yelling and screaming so much. "I LOVE YOU JUSTIN!!!" Yup, I was one of those girls. But seriously, I still enjoy their music. It's always fun to put on for a dance party or to get excited for a night out. My favorite is still "I Want You Back". It was their first single and I think it's still the best. (And I still love Justin, just not in the screamy-teenager-we're-going-to-get-married type way.)

Quote of the Week

Every Sunday, I hope to share with you at least one hilarious quote from my week. The one today is not actually from this week, but I just have to share it with you all. *Names have been changed to protect the innocent.*

Person #1: (Speaking of the Oregon football jerseys) What are those things supposed to be on their shoulders?
Person #2: Wings.
Person #1: I thought they were supposed to be Ducks...............................Oh, I guess ducks have wings.

Funnny Friday

Hahaha! So I was just browsing through "I Can Has Cheezburger"...and I found this. PRICELESS!! I'm not necessarily one for the cats, but I do love seals. Happy Friday!! :)

My 150th!!

It's my 150th blog post, YAY!! We're almost halfway through January, and I'm going to follow the trend and make a couple small goals for this next year.

1. At least 100 blog posts this year! I'm going for it. I'm going to break my mold of my average 70-something blogs in a year and I'm going for 100 in 2010. Now that I have two blogs (I hope you read below!!), I think that I can focus more time and energy on bringing more Lemons and Limes to people.

2. Make more art! I seriously LOVE drawing and painting and doing little art projects, but sometimes I get too lazy. I need to get my butt into gear and keep up my good work. I'm definitely going to need a portfolio to apply for grad school, so I need to make some quality pieces that I would love to show off.

3. Send letters! This goes along with my art projects a little bit, since a letter is just not a letter to me, it's much more than that. I really actually enjoy making letters and I enjoy it even more when people get them and tell me how much they love them. So, if I don't have your address, get it to me and I'll get you a letter!

4. Take some dance classes! Every now and then, my past dancer conscience comes out and whispers, "Carly! Take classes again!" I loooove dancing. It makes me feel super confident and sexy so I want to find a really good studio that has some good classes (I've visited some duds) and hopefully get my groove back.

5. Play my guitar much more! I got a guitar for my 18th birthday, took some lessons, forgot about it for awhile, played it a couple times in college, and then a couple guy friends I met in Chile were jamming together and inspired me to finally keep it up. So once I got back from Chile, I started playing it more and I hope to continue doing that so I can jam with people next time I'm in a foreign country. Or anywhere.

6. Less Facebook! So, not gonna lie, sometimes I can spend too much time on this website, but recently I have shunned away from it. (I've only briefly checked it twice in the last 5 days!) I think it's a great way to keep in touch with people and all, I just think I don't need to find out everything about everyone through status updates and I think it will force me to call or email people more. Also, if I spend less time on Facebook, that means I will have more time to achieve the above goals.

These are just little goals of mine, obviously I have bigger ones, but those need more thought...and some are private, ha ha! I'll make sure to check up on myself. Happy 2010!

Things I Don't Understand Thursday

At The Gym: Part 1, Appearance

There are so many things I don't understand about people and the gym that I'm going to have to split it up into a couple few entries. This first entry deals with people's appearances at the gym and why they confuse me...

"Person Looking To Impress" - So, I can understand wanting to look presentable when going out in public, but this is the gym. This is where people come to work out, get sweaty and pretty much look like crap. No one looks good when they're grinding their teeth and making tiger faces to lift weights, the elliptical makes things bounce weirdly, people are making "O-faces" on the urg...I think it's just a place to look unattractive to make yourself look more attractive other places. So you, person who is maybe thinking they might meet someone or at least want to look better than everyone else there, isn't it hard work? Did you shower BEFORE you came here? (Yes, I know people who do that.) Did you put on make-up? Does your outfit match? (And I'm not talking are you wearing a top that doesn't clash with your shorts...I'm talking are your top+bra+pants+shoes all the same color slash have the same accent colors?) Believe me, I've seen it all. It seems like a lot of work to then go out and...well, work! Maybe the gym is a great place to meet others, but I don't think it'll happen for me. Five minutes into a workout I look like a shit-ball. But it's how I know I'm working hard!

"Girl With Your Hair Down" - How can you run on a treadmill with your hair down? That's gotta be some type of magic. I mean, I can only imagine, if I had my hair down, I'd probably be eating more hair than the amount of calories I am burning. Maybe it's a nice little snack to keep your energy up while you run. But honestly, that's got to be annoying. Plus you add in the sweat and it just gets stuck to you, doesn't it? It gets in your eyes and inside your shirt/bra (then forcing the inside-the-bra reach). How does this not bother you??

"Guy In Sandals" - Okay, I know here in the Pacific Northwest we have this stereotype "Socks and Sandals Guy" (hell, they're even walking down the runway)...but at the gym? I'm not completely sure, buuuuut I bet I can guess that working out in sandals would not be the healthiest thing for you. I mean, it can't really be good for your feet or your back...or anything, is it?

Bossy Bear

Does this bear not make you smile and perhaps crack up? I volunteer at a bilingual school that helps kids learn English, so obviously they have lots of children's books. I came across "Bossy Bear" today and thought I would give it a read. It seriously made me laugh a lot. It's about this bear who bosses people around and always gets what he wants. Like the muffin shown above. (Really, anything that includes muffins, I love. But more on that in another post.) He meets a couple other animals that invite him to play ball, but he's too mean so they don't like him.

Then he meets a cute little turtle with a balloon, orders Turtle to give him the balloon and then they become friends because Turtle tells him he doesn't need to be bossy and so Bossy Bear gives him a crown like the one he has. It's such a heartwarming story with a great moral. Okay, maybe it wont have you off your seats in hysterics, but just look at the cartoon and tell me these characters don't make you smile....huh? They are great. Bears, books, Battlestar Gallactica.

New Year, New Blog

In the spirit of the new year and the goals and stuff, I have decided to start a new blog totally devoted to making people laugh and smile. It is currently celebrating its Launch Party right now, so go join! The blog is titled Funnny Bones (three Ns!!) and wants readers! I'll still be updating this blog as well, I'm just looking forward to using my humor to help others through hard times and share some of my seemingly hilarious stories with anyone who is interested in reading. I hope you all like it!!

Launch Party!!!

Lunch party? It's supposed to say launch party! What is wrong with you?

Welcome to the "Lunch Party" of my new blog!! A little while ago I decided that there is just too much seriousness in this world and too much to fret about, so my new job is to make people smile and laugh. Everyone needs an LOL moment during the day. And by the way, that is the last time you will ever see me type those three letters together. Unless I'm writing about lollipops. Or Lollapalooza. Or some girl named Lola. Whatever, the point is, I hope you will join me for some laughs each week. I will include topics like "Quotes From The Week" and "Things I Don't Understand"....needless to say, we're in for a good time. Now remember, the website has THREE Ns in the address. So when you're telling all your friends to read this blog (p.s. tell your friends to read this blog), don't forget to include that third N. Otherwise they'll be stuck looking at someone else's page and it might not be as cool and then your friends will think "Why did my friend send me here?", thus leading to awkward conversations later. You'll want to avoid those. So, what have we learned here? A few simple things: Laugh, smile, three Ns.

Music Monday

Recently my mom said something about me always listening to sad music, but to me, slower music is calming and always gets me thinking about things. Sure, sometimes it's sad, but the songs are so pretty and have a lot of depth. So above is another "sad" song, but one that I came across again recently and am in love with. Sufjan Stevens - "For The Widows In Paradise". Enjoy!

Mona's

Ringing in the new year this year was pretty low key, but really fun. Since nothing too exciting seemed to be going on, with other friends out of town and such, my friend Sara invited me to Mona's, a bar by Greenlake. It was a great place, dark and very quaint, but still with life. The bar wasn't too crowded, but I can't stand crowded bars anyways so it was just the way I like it. And they even had a DJ and a dance floor so there was some good jiving and even Limbo, haha! We met some interesting people, one guy who came down by himself from another party and was having a good time alone, another guy in a fedora who seemed to have somewhat of an entourage (of one other guy). It was a funny night. The crowd was a bit older than what we would normally hang out with, but it was a very enjoyable evening and a great way to welcome 2010!

Music Monday

This album will change your life.